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The Bachelor - Week Two

So here we are, week two of this unusual love experiment. This is where the journey truly begins. Ben has narrowed down his suitors to the ones he actually wants to get to know, so now it's just time to sit back, relax and watch all those over the top dates that set the stage for falling in love.

We start this episode with a hunky Ben getting dressed to meet the ladies for his first official date. I want to thank you ABC for this quick shot of Ben putting his pants on. You know we all have been asking for more shirtless Ben and you went above and beyond the call of duty here. The peak at his royal blue undies started the episode off right!

We also started the episode with Lace declaring that last week's Lace was not her true self. There apparently is another Lace that we haven't met yet because the alcohol interfered. She reiterates over and over that she is NOT crazy. Suspicious because usually those who have to convince themselves that they aren't crazy are the real lunatics. All I know is I like the Lace I met last week and I don't want to meet the real Lace. Sorry real Lace you are not invited to the bachelor house.

Anyway, I digress. So the first date card arrives and calls for the first group date of the season. The ladies all scurry off to get ready for whatever romantic adventure awaits. We see Lace prepping her outfit for the night and lo and behold she has chosen a royal blue cocktail dress to impress Ben. Now you tell this destiny or what?

While the ladies are busy boozing it up the limo pulls up to Bachelor High, the backdrop to their date. Is it me or is or is there just nothing romantic about high school. Luckily for us, we get to see Chris Harrison in two costume changes as Professor Harrison as he tells the ladies about their date. The girls break up into teams of two to attend "class" and compete to become Ben's Homecoming Queen. First is science class where Chris Harrison let's us know it's time for a science experiment to see who will be the first to "make Ben's volcano explode". Good one Chris. Second is "lunch" class (ummm is that a new elective I wasn't made aware of because I would have aced that class) where the ladies have to bob for red apples in a tank of water. Sexy right? The only thing missing on this date was Olivia and her gigantic mouth. How many more episodes of her surprised open mouth face are we going to have to be subjected to?

The third class is geography. The remaining ladies had to place Indiana on the US map. Now for everyone out there clowning Jojo and Becca on their sideways placement of the state, go own with your bad self. I can't say a single word because if that were me I would have done similar if not worse. I may have placed Indiana upright, but god knows I wouldn't have place it in the right spot. Ultimately, weird dentist Mandi became Ben's homecoming queen and they had about as much chemistry as the ladies had during chemistry class earlier.

At the evening date we got a dose of the "real" Lace and she looked a lot like the Lace I love. After some one on one time with Becca and a first kiss with Jenn (which she immediately let the group know about), Ben gets some alone time with Lace who pleads her case and asks for forgiveness from night one. Ben looks scared but gets saved by Jubilee, who opens up to Ben about how she was born in Haiti and adopted at 6. Ben apparently finds adoption sexy and offers Jubilee the second kiss of the night. Well, our friend Lace is not ok with that and hunts Ben down for more time and hopefully for her own kiss. Will the real Lace please stand up? The other ladies are perturbed by Lace's aggressiveness and can we say craziness and all talk about her while she is gone. After another deep convo about Denver Ben sets himself free from Lace and takes Jojo up to the rooftop for the final kiss of the night and the date rose. Oh Lace if you could only decide on one personality, maybe, just maybe you'd have shot. I mean you're wearing his favorite color — royal blue.

The first one on one date goes to Caila who gets to go on a ride along with Ben, Ice Cube and Kevin Hart. No studio money was spent here. Kevin Hart does his best to steal the show and prove he is the new Jimmy Kimmel by joining Ben and Caila in the hot tub. Ben and Caila finally get to drop their sidekicks and have a romantic evening out. In true Bachelor fashion they go to a fancy dinner where not one bite of food is had. No wonder everyone gets shit faced drunk, they are rolling around with empty stomachs. While at dinner Caila asks Ben if he still feels unlovable. How much do you all think Ben regrets making that statement? In a nutshell, Ben is waiting for someone to love him back and for someone to share his life with. Caila explains how she met her last boyfriend on a plane (and convinetnly leaves out the part where she left her boyfriend after seeing Ben on TV). She also states that it's not really about how you meet but about having your own special time together-says the girl on a TV show trying to meet her husband. Well, Ben found Caila to have lots of depth and gave her a rose.

The next group date was probably one of the most awkward in Bachelor history. The girls are shuttled to the Love Lab to be examined by Dr. Love to see who is scientifically compatible to Ben. Sam is confident that any test is going to prove her undying devotion to the bachelor but the smell test really screwed her up. After 10 minutes on the treadmill Ben had to sniff his love interests and describe it to Dr. Love. After a ton of flowery and beachy adjectives we get to Sam who Ben says smells sour...he says this on national TV. Sam is mortified, but the line of the date goes to Shushanna who smells herself before the experiment and states "I cannot possibly smell of cabbage just because I haven't eaten cabbage for...two weeks". Who eats that much cabbage to be that concerned?? As the date continues into the night Ben spends some one on one time with the ladies where he learns Shushanna came to the US with $400 and two bottles of vodka (and cabbage apparently) and that Amanda has two daughters at home. Both those revelations weren't enough to earn themselves the date rose. That went to Miss Olivia "big mouth" newscaster and she couldn't have been happier.

Finally we get down to the cocktail party and rose ceremony. Before Ben can pull any of the ladies aside Olivia muscles her way in to get her one on one time. She goes in for another kiss and lets him go play with the other non threatening woman. She proclaims to the ladies that now that she's talked to him, she allows them to have at it. All hail Queen Liv. Olivia is definitely playing the Courtney Robertson character of this season. Now let's hope it doesn't get her as far as Courtney did. The best part of the cocktail party came from my girl Lace again when she pulls Olivia aside to let her know she's upset with her stealing Ben away from the ladies. The pot calling the kettle black?

As Ben hands out his roses he is in for his first little drama of the season. LB isn't feeling it. She doesn't like having to compete with all the other ladies for attention and doesn't think this is for her so she declines his rose. She really should have used that line a little more down the road and angled for a Bachelorette spot, but she wanted out and out she went. It really screwed my fantasy bracket this week as she was the only pick I got wrong. Thanks LB.

Leaving tonight was smelly Sam, homecoming queen Mandi and Jacki (who?).

Until next week....


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