Well we are back at it after a week hiatus. As we return to our suiters, we find them all celebrating (and James Taylor of course playing the guitar) the exit of the CHAD. Now I don't know about you, but I'm sad about Chad's departure. Who will keep me entertained for two hours? Who will I see eating sweet potatoes like a piece of bread? Who will banter with my dear Daniel? Ugh...the horror.
Before the boys can spread Chad's protein shake ashes to far, Chad decides to come back to the house for a very underwhelming altercation. Jordan tries to make good by apologizing to Chad for maybe misunderstanding him, but Chad wants nothing to do with it. The best part of that entire scene tho is little Evan asking for money for his shirt....again. Evan, give it up dude. Your target shirt wasn't that special and this makes you that much more unlikeable.
After Chad leaves, mini Alex walks in like the hero he always believed he was. They call him the dragon slayer as they lift him up on their shoulders and bury his face in a cake. By the way, thanks for the cake production.
We move to the cocktail party where all the men are feeling relieved now that Chad is gone. The foreshadowing of how the rest of the experience is going to have so much less drama and negativity is overwhelming. What we find out is that all the guys have a little Chad in them and they start getting territorial and snippy with the time and attention. Luke def was one of those. He had this cocky sense about himself and kind of bullied Evan about getting his time or he was going to go back for seconds. Plus he cut off my boy Daniel when he already had a rose. WTF? Can I just state here if you haven't noticed from my previous recaps, I don't like Luke. I don't know if he and I had something in a previous life or something, but man does that boy irritate me. Please Bachelor Gods DO NOT make him the next Bachelor. Anyway, Jordan goes in for the kill and pulls an Arie Luyendyk and pushes Jojo into a wall for a passionate kiss while the other guys are gossiping on the other side. It worked. Jojo bought it!
At the rose ceremony, I really believe Derek said yes ma'am when receiving his rose. Did anyone else hear that? I'm sad to report that my favorite Canadian Daniel did not receive a rose, but he did have one of the best exit interviews every. He blames his personality, because his body obviously didn't have anything to do with it. Oh Daniel, your personality was 10 times what those guys wish they had.
Jojo informs the remaining men that they will be taking this circus overseas to Uruguay. Now, I was cringing with the way all of these people were saying Uruguay...everyone pronounced it different and it really bugged but also really made me laugh. In Uruguay, Jordan receives the first one on one date and we see the tide turn. Since Chad is no longer there, they are looking for the next target and playboy ex football player Jordan is it. Just like my other favorite reality show Big Brother, it's always better to keep the bigger target in the house so you just slide by, but no everyone had to send Chad packing.
While Jordan and Jojo are on their romantic date, the men are set up in Vinnie's Barbershop getting hair cuts. Lo and behold there are magazines on the table with a cover story story by Jojo's ex talking about how they are still in love and how she just left him to do the show and capitalize on her 15 minutes of fame. Again, thank you production for the rag mags and set up.
The boys are enraged by what they read and want to know if Jojo is there for the right reasons.
While the boys are enraged, Jojo is getting her sexy on with Jordan on their date. During dinner Jojo decides to confront Jordan regarding his past relationship. She met a girl he dated and heard he was a cheater, etc. He blamed it all on football. I guess now that he isn't playing ball he is a better person and focused on the right things. Jojo agrees and you see love in her eyes.
When Jojo returns from her date on the highest of highs, the producers bring her to the lowest of lows by showing her the magazine. She gets super emo and rushed to the guys to explain that Chad (her ex boyfriend Chad, not Chad Bear) is a terrible person and fabricating everything.
The guys who were angry earlier just smile and are happy for any attention from Jojo and let it go. I believe Texas ex boyfriend Chad, but who am I? Oh just a rational person not on a reality show. Secondly, what the hell is that tattoo on Evan's arm? Please someone tell me what it says and the meaning. Must know now.
The next group date has the boys going sand surfing. Fun. Too bad all the guys are trying to one up each other to get Jojo's attention. Mini Alex does a backflip. John Krasinski feels threatened.
Once the rain hits they head back to the hotel for a cocktail party. James Taylor attacks her face and Wells is as chill as ever. I like him. Derek isn't doing too good. He is questioning everything and being the sensitive bachelor. He was also wearing light (maybe even white) socks which annoyed me for the rest of the cocktail party. Anyway, Derek needed some reassurance which didn't sit well with King Alex. He apparently knows exactly what Jojo needs and it's not an insecure little bitch (his words not mine). Why does Alex have so many opinions? Keep your mouth shut sometimes and quit while you are ahead. Well Derek gets the rose which rubs the guys the wrong way. They decide it's a pity rose and they will let Derek know that.
The next one one one date is with Robby. Who looks like Ryan Gosseling according to Jojo. I dont see it. They start off at a cabana getting a drink and food and for some reason those servers looked like such fake, actors...even their facial hair looked fake. They move on to the cliff to check out the ocean and Robby decides it's time to jump. Whatever happens from here on out does matter because all I could focus on were Robby's swim trunks.
They matched perfectly and blinded me as well. They took the leap and frolicked in the water then had a very romantic dinner where Robby professed his love for Jojo. He falls fast - from the cliff and in love. They end the night with some fancy fireworks, a makeout session and a rose.
Back at the hotel Derek is now wearing a similar STAR t-shirt that Chase was wearing at the surfing date. Yuck. Burn that please. Regardless, mini Alex and Chase gang up on Derek and tell him that he's insecure and that he must of begged for the rose. The Mean Girl clique is in full affect. Mini Alex keeps saying he doesn't have to prove anything to him, but that's exactly what he is pushing for. For him to prove something. Alex is now the new bully Chad.
The final cocktail party seems tense. Everyone wants their final time with Jojo, but Derek decides to call out the bullies and confront them before Jojo gets there. Alex tells him he is being sensitive when he doesn't realize he made him sensitive. Ultimately the insecure one here is Alex. It's all good Derek, put it in your burn book...these guys suck.
To my chagrin, Jojo cancel the cocktail party and goes right into cutting dudes. She doesn't need extra time because she knows exactly what she needs to do. Bye Bye Grant, Vinnie and finally Evan (he lasted way way too long). I did feel bad for Vinnie - he cried as though they actually had something. Did I miss their connection?