Well, well, well, here we are again. This time we are joining fan favorite Jojo as she searches the Bachelor Mansion in Malibu for her future husband. The Bachelorette franchise has had considerably more luck then the founding franchise. We currently have two bachelorette's pregnant with the men they became engaged to on the show. Mike Fleiss and team are hoping for the same such luck with our new lady in charge.
The premiere episode starts with a recap of Jojo's time on the Bachelor and how her heart was broken by Ben. In pure Bachelor retroact, Jojo is grateful for being broken up with because it taught her about herself and what she needed. To decipher, she is grateful Ben didn't pick her so she now has the opportunity to be bachelorette and be the star of the show. Trust. If she wasn't the Bachelorette, she wouldn't be so grateful.
Jojo visits with the past Bachelorette's to get the do's and don'ts to help her with this unique experience. She admits to being nervous which all the other girls say is definitely the norm, but once you start meeting the guys the nerves go out the window since they are much more nervous. They discuss kissing on the first night and trying to interpret between love and lust. Ali admits that with Roberto it was all about lust and not love or compatibility. Anyone else think Kailyn looked a little off? Her mouth and the way she was talking was all sorts of crazy to me. I just don't understand.
We now delve into the men. So much to say and such little time so I will write the first thoughts that come to my mind on some of the guys that made an impression on me.
Grant - The hot fireman is not as hot in video package as he is in his Instagram photos, but I still wouldn't mind being saved by him.
Alex - he and I should not procreate because our children would max out at 5'5"
Jordan - yeah he's hot and a tad cocky. Jojo will like it.
James - the superfan. He's just living out his dream. Not sure he is there for the right reason, but are half of them there for the right reason?
Evan - erectile dysfunction research? Ok, but he had a good line, "I got my mojo for Jojo!" I'll take it.
Ali - his face and wave as he exited the limo was everything!
Christian - Who wakes up at 3:30am to go to the gym? I love that he takes care of his little brother....yes for me, please.
Luke - country boy from Texas. Got the sensitive, brooding thing down. Maybe a little too intense for me.
Derek - sensitive...maybe too sweet.
James - Boxing Gym owner. I don't know. Seems like an extra in Ray Donovan.
Robby - He got me with the wine. It really is a Fletcher family tradition to chug it from the bottle, isn't it?
Will - the next Bob Guiney?
Chad- super intense and way too yolked.
Daniel - Canadian, all black, has an opinion on everyone, a toucher and I need him to stay on forever.
James Taylor - the singer songwriter from the south. So cliche, but what was even worse was his name was JAMES TAYLOR. I liked him more during his one on one with Jojo tho. I'll give him that.
Jonathan - the Canadian, Chinese, Scottish guy with the supposed big dick. Overcompensating much?
Santa - nothing to say to that.
Wells- Did he just pull out ALL FOUR ONE from his limo? I SWEAR....
As the cocktail party begins Jojo can feel the tension in the air and that the guys are just not relaxed. She is getting worried because the encounters with her suitors aren't feeling natural and there is no real sparks happening off the bat....until Jordan. Her and Jordan have a very natural conversation and Jordan definitely turned on the charm. Jojo was hooked and it reminded her to trust in this process because it can work. She moves onto Will who plays a game I haven't played since grade school? Anyone remember what that paper origami game is called? Although I don't remember ever having to kiss someone while playing that, but Will did and it was awkward. So awkward that Jordan had to come in and show him how it's really done. Jojo concurred.
Once the first impression rose comes out the claws come out and the alcohol gets a pouring. I have to admit I haven't seen these many drunk bachelors ever. I know nerves and exhaustion can lead you to do some silly things but these guys got as Jonathan said "white Canadian wasted". You could actually see the divide in the house between the guys that are there to party and were gimmicky to the guys who are trying to at least put out a decent impression (be it real or not).
Regardless of all the grasping by the other Bachelors, Jordan received the first impression rose. That kiss must of sealed the deal.
We move onto the rose ceremony and as Jojo is about to hand out her roses, we see some unidentified brown loafers walking in. Lo and behold it's none other than ex-bachelor Jake Pavelka and all the contestants are stunned, but not as stunned as Jojo. She looks frightened. Apparently they are old family friends (apparently Bachelor Nation is more incestual then we thought) and she was scared he was there to win her heart, but no, he was there to give her some advice and add some dramatic value.
Jojo goes on to hand out her roses and Santa receives one, but poor Jonathan in his kilt doesn't along with Coley, Jake, Nick S., Peter and Sal. Who? Exactly.
Few funny observations:
Again, I love the job titles - Hipster, Canadian, Bachelor Superfan. You cant make this stuff up.
Quote of the night ,"If I was gay I'd be in paradise" - Daniel (please don't ever get kicked off)
Santa drinking under his beard.
Jake the landscape architect basically commanding one of the other contestants to go away and not take Jojo from him. The balls on him. LOL
How'd you do on your first week of Bachelorette Fantasy? It's a tough week since we aren't acquainted with our guys yet, but don't fret, next week will be a lot easier.